By understanding yourself better, you naturally refine your box of the Other. This refinement is based on the premise that we all have not only a box of the Other but also a box of ourselves in relation to the Other. Through self-reflection — paced according to your own needs and supported by books and friends — you develop a more sophisticated worldview. Through that new lens, you no longer need to stare into the abyss of past experiences to learn how the box of the Other was built; all you will need is a quick peek, and that box will start morphing in wonderful, colourful ways.

Oh, and what beauty life holds once that door shuts. To know that your spouse will learn all your limitations and imperfections, and you will learn about them, and they will be there still. This act of extreme vulnerability holds potential for great wisdom and peace. There truly is no limitation on the resilience and strength we can muster once there is no back door.

On the one hand, you are likely to underestimate the value of existing traditions due to arrogance ("I know better than everyone else before me") or low tolerance for uncertainty ("This buzzfeed article supports my intuitions so let's stop the research process here and go with it"). On the other hand, you are likely to underestimate your own intuitions and desires due to dogmatism ("Let's just go with the status quo") or desire to make others happy ("I will do this for my friends even though this is not really what I want").